A Recipe for Fundraising Success
A Recipe for Fundraising Success
The journalist David Brooks just released his new book called “How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.” He explains why he wrote this book in a recent piece in the New York Times entitled “The Essential Skills for Being Human”.
The skills Brooks suggests are social skills, but not skills you can learn in a textbook. The skills he describes, as he writes, can “teach people how to understand others, how to make them feel respected, valued and understood.” He adds that these skills, such as giving positive attention to others, can “help them blossom”. It’s a terrific book that everyone should read — especially those of you who aren’t 100% comfortable in social situations (like most of us!)
The book isn’t something that he applied to fundraisers and nonprofit leaders, but through my eyes, I see its lessons as critical for anyone connected to a nonprofit. In fact, Brooks’ lessons/suggestions should be employed immediately by front-line fundraisers. Want to have more successful, productive interactions with donors? Check this out.
In the article, Brooks write “People want to connect. Above almost any other need, human beings long to have another person look into their faces with love and acceptance.” You’re probably wondering what that has to do with a “donor call”. Keep reading. Brooks explains that “The real process of, say, building a friendship or creating a community involves performing a series of small, concrete actions well: being curious about other people; disagreeing without poisoning relationships; revealing vulnerability at an appropriate pace; being a good listener; knowing how to ask for and offer forgiveness; knowing how to host a gathering where everyone feels embraced; knowing how to see things from another’s point of view.”
As you may know, I, as a major donor, absolutely despise the pandering and sycophantic approach that many fundraisers employ when meeting with a donor (yes, that includes meeting on Zoom.) Brooks’ article explains what that approach feels like in his description of “illuminators” and “diminishers”.
Diminishers, the article suggests, “…stereotype and label. If they learn one thing about you, they proceed to make a series of assumptions about who you must be.” Donors often feel all of that — stereotyped and labeled. In the fundraising world, it seems that donors, especially major donors, are stereotyped and labeled even before a single interaction has occurred. The idea of “donors are…” is unfair, unhelpful, unproductive, rude and downright wrong. Donors are not monolithic — they are individual human beings. Just like fundraisers are — and the rest of the planet’s inhabitants.
Brooks offers a different sort of person — a person who has a personality trait identified as an “illuminator”. This is how he describes illuminators: “Illuminators… have a persistent curiosity about other people. They have been trained or have trained themselves in the craft of understanding others. They know how to ask the right questions at the right times — so that they can see things, at least a bit, from another’s point of view. They shine the brightness of their care on people and make them feel bigger, respected, lit up.” Later in the piece, he adds, “A person who radiates warmth will bring out the glowing sides of the people he meets, while a person who conveys formality can meet the same people and find them stiff and detached.”
And guess what? Those who establish these sort of relationships — relationships that emit joy and establish trust — will be much more successful in not only “getting a gift” but in establishing an authentic, long-term relationship.
Disagreeing with a donor? An essential part of building and engaging in a genuine and authentic relationship. Revealing vulnerability? A critical component in establishing trust. (For those who have been taught not to reveal anything about themselves when interacting with a donor, know that’s the opposite of helpful in our quest to form authentic relationships.)
In a sector where about 80% of new donors refrain from giving to the same organization the following year, we need to be focused on long-term relationships instead of the immediate “grab and go” type of interaction. (I understand that phrase sounds a bit pejorative, but it conveys exactly how many donors feel.)
All too often, donors feel that their interaction with a fundraiser has been formal, cold, and purely transactional. There’s a sense that the fundraiser is only asking questions of the donor as a formality, as opposed to as a way or creating a sustainable relationship. There’s a feeling on the donor’s part that nearly everything the fundraiser asks them serves one of two purposes — to either (1) fill up space to create a sense of “conversation,” or (2) to assess the donor’s likelihood of giving a big gift right away.
Obviously I don’t feel this way about all fundraisers. If I did, I wouldn’t be continuing to support nonprofits. Many successful fundraisers are socially adept and sincere about their interaction with donors. Many of them have become dear friends.
But everyone can do better. David Brooks, a long-time, very successful and esteemed writer/journalist/commentator, wrote this book because he wanted improve himself and his social interactions. If he can change, so can we.
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Lisa
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