I first connected with Chelsea Lientz when she interviewed me for her Johns Hopkins capstone project on Donor Advised Funds (DAFs). Her capstone asked: “What do US-based development professionals think about the explosion of grants contributed through donor advised fund accounts, and how is it impacting philanthropy and the profession of fundraising?” Since then, we have been friends and colleagues, and Chelsea was incredibly helpful during my Seattle AFP ICON presentation.
Our conversations are typically about DAFs, and we continue to discuss everything “DAF,” from the positive and negative consequences of tax reform and their future, to why nonprofits are so reticent to recognize and support DAF account holders.
Many of you are familiar with my (relentless) push for nonprofits to survey their entire donor database with my “four questions.” Chelsea’s suggestions mirror those questions, and then go beyond them. (If you’re not familiar with my four survey questions, or if you want a refresher, here’s a link.)
Both of our surveys start with asking donors how they want to be addressed, and the rest are Chelsea’s wonderful additional suggestions. You can read through all of them below! If you think of something you think should be added to the list, feel free to leave a comment. Enjoy, learn, and hopefully implement a survey!
How Donors Want to Be Addressed
(These questions and answers should always be checked against your existing database.)
Titles matter: Mr., Mrs., Ms., Dr., etc.
Name changes: Has a name been dropped, added, or changed?
Foundation names: If “Jane and John Foundation” becomes “Jane Smith Foundation,” it’s worth asking why.
Frequency and Acknowledgment
Are they recurring monthly or quarterly donors?
If so, how often do they want to be thanked—and in what way?
Intent and Designation
Was the gift pledged to general funds, a specific department, an annual fund, an event, a tithe, or a race/run?
Was it made in honor of or in memory of someone? (If so, who was the person to the donor?)
Timing and Personalization
When during the year was the gift made?
Did the donor include a personal note with their gift? (If they did, what did it say, and what can you learn from it?)
Most donors understand the rhythm of giving: ask, donate, thank. Much of it is automated, and they accept that. But the DAF grant distribution form offers a rare opportunity to break that cycle and personalize the experience. It’s not just a transaction—it’s a conversation.
Through their contribution, donors are already telling you how they want to be addressed. Match your language to theirs. It’s astonishing how often nonprofits override donor preferences in favor of internal defaults. If the form says, “Jane and John Smith,” don’t default future correspondence to only “Mr. Smith.” And if your fundraising software defaults to male-first naming conventions, it’s time to customize.
Ignoring these details sends the message that you’re not listening. If you’re unsure, pick up the phone and ask. It’s a meaningful touchpoint—and it shows that you value them as individuals. (Hint: Do not make that a solicitation call, unless your call goes so well that you end up in an authentic conversation.)
Donor relationships don’t follow a single formula. In some households, one partner handles all charitable giving; in others, it’s a joint decision. Your technology should be flexible enough to reflect their preferences. If it’s not, make updating your system a priority—because donors will gravitate toward organizations that treat them with respect.
When you get it right, donors feel seen and heard. When you get it wrong, they feel invisible.
Everyone Wants to Be Seen
Everyone, fundraisers and donors included, intrinsically want to be seen and heard. In the height of the pandemic, my friend and colleague Claire Axelrad wrote this lovely piece about conveying to donors that you “see” them and that your relationship is authentic. She has lots of creative ways to message that, and along with my “four questions survey,” you’ll be able to tell which of Claire’s ideas might be appropriate for a particular donor.
Building authentic relationships (instead of transactional ones) is a skill that everyone should practice—not just those in the nonprofit sector. For fundraisers, learning how to build these relationships will be helpful in your personal life and, at the same time, will help you preserve, retain, and grow your donor database. It will also make your job as a fundraiser much more enjoyable and gratifying.
David Brooks touches on this in his book, How To Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen. Although written for a broad audience, it can be very helpful for those working in fundraising. Here’s how the publisher describes it:
“Driven by his trademark sense of curiosity, Brooks draws from the fields of psychology and neuroscience, and from the worlds of theatre, history, and education, to present a welcoming, hopeful, integrated approach to human connection. How to Know a Person helps readers become more understanding and considerate towards others; it helps readers find the joy that comes from being seen. Along the way it offers a possible remedy for a society that is riven by fragmentation, hostility, and misperception.”
Bottom line: Get to know your donor. Don’t assume that because they might have financial resources, they like or want this or that. Learn from Claire Axelrad and David Brooks and get to know your donor as an individual—just like you.
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