Fundraising conversations seem to be always giving the same advice: send more emails, send more emails.
More reminders.
More urgency.
More asks.
And yes—if you keep sending emails, eventually someone will give.
But here’s what we don’t talk about enough: what this feels like on the donor side.
A donor may start out interested. Supportive. Maybe even excited. Then the solicitations keep coming. Slowly, your organization’s name starts to trigger a feeling—not of purpose, but of pressure.
Once that happens, it’s very hard to undo.
Most donors don’t rage-quit. They quietly delete. Unsubscribe. Or mentally tune you out. Some tell friends. Some just disappear.
And once they’re gone, they’re usually gone for good.
We already know the numbers. Only about one of every five new donors will give again the following year. That’s a number that’s been consistent for years—and it’s a problem. A problem that you might never get out of.
And here’s the thing – it’s not a “too many emails” problem, It’s a relationship problem.
When people give, they’re not just giving money. They’re expressing trust. Belief. Alignment.
Think about your own inbox. You have likely felt the moment when an organization crosses the line from “I care about this” to “please stop emailing me and go away.”
This almost never happens due to just a few messages. It happens because of accumulation. Because it starts to feel transactional. Once an organization’s name becomes associated with pressure instead of purpose, that feeling doesn’t go away.
Why don’t more organizations ask their donors how they actually feel about the frequency of the asks? Because asking takes time, intention, and humility.
Incessant asks might bring in some money in the short-term, but it does nothing to make a donor want to continue to support you.
So why do we then act surprised when we focus on quick wins? An 80% churn rate makes no sense if you want long-term sustainability or growth.
Donors want relationships. They want their giving to be purposeful. They want to understand the impact that their donation made. They want to know that their gift achieved something good. Authentic relationships provide that.
But in the real world, when every email has to “pay for itself,” relationship-building is the first thing to go.
It’s akin to “shooting yourself in the foot”, really.
Most successful organizations know that authentic donor relationships are the key to fundraising success. They share frequent, simple updates. They show exactly how funds are used. If someone gives to your organization, they deserve to know what their support made possible—without pressure attached. If the result of their giving was that your organization has a stronger operational foundation to be able to achieve and sustain your good work, then say so! That’s ROI, too.
And there’s another piece we don’t talk about enough: relationships aren’t just for major donors.
Most major donors didn’t start that way. They are often the ones who felt heard, seen, appreciated, and authentically connected to the nonprofits they supported. They’re the ones who can tell their friends and family how proud they are of the accomplishments of the nonprofits they gave to. They’re the ones who were looking for purpose, and who found it in a nonprofit that was in for the “long game”.
A receipt isn’t a relationship.
A tax acknowledgment isn’t stewardship.
So here’s the takeaway...
If you’re a nonprofit leader or fundraiser, take a hard look at your communication strategy and implementation.
Are your solicitations pushing prospective long-term donors away? Is your incessant asking for money negatively impacting your donors’ feelings about your organization? Are donors hearing from you only when you need something—or also when you have something meaningful to share?
Because when only one in four new donors keep giving, the issue isn’t generosity.
It’s how we’re treating the people who already said yes.
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